“Layer by layer I removed all I thought I was, all I thought I had to be in the moment…” Lenita Vangellis
Do you sometimes get an “I figured-it-all-out” moment after you’ve recovered from some major event like a heartache, tragedy, job-loss, stubbing your toe right after warning yourself to watch out for the couch’s leg? No!? That’s not you? Must be me right? Liar.
Well now honey bunnies, years and years and years ago, I was seeing a man who lied about everything but his place of residence. BTW, I learned of his lies only after breaking-up with him. I broke ties over his lack of support for any goal I had that did not include him. I realized my insistence on improving my life like going back to school -I mean!!!-triggered some sort of complex in him then boom, war! After the breakup I had all of these epiphanies about life, relationships, self-love blah blah blah. And I talked about them. All of them. All the time! I was that chick as a little girl, full of insight but no real confidence to speak up until the split set me free. Yes, what I am saying is I have had the pleasure of being that person to come out of a bad break-up or huge humbling experience and read the first 20 pages of tons of self-help books on the floor of Barnes and Nobles with some whiskey in my water bottle to later share my findings. PhD level findings! LOL! Like I was the authority, quoting quotes like some Young Vanzant, New Angelou or Baby Marianne Williamson in the making. Seriously, my new knowledge granted me access to some high priestess world called: She Has Life Figured Out And She Will Help You Do The Same. Look, I saw myself as a walking living breathing app for that.
Don’t look at me like that! I am not the only one who has survived life-changing experiences followed by fresh wisdom to share using old clichés. I was that baby that kept falling and finally figured out how to stay upright and spread the gospel to the crawling babies telling them we gon’ be alright. But ahem, clearing my arrogance, I lacked the capacity to see there was always new information on the ship. The babies continuously replace the old with new science. But little ole me thought: Nope I now know what I need to know for the rest of my life.
Life can at times feel like some sort of arduous ongoing process of an I-figured-it all out attitude with each perceived milestone…tragedy…life-altering event. However, being present to right now and accepting I only know this thing these set of things right now because the next minute carries the next lesson the next experience the next epiphany is less work. So while I cant hit crontrol-Z or Apple-Z, for the pomme mafia, for my past know-it-all preaching, I am allowing space for what is to come. Yeah, I figured it out…for now. And now I know nothing…
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
― Pema Chödrön
See you next time,