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Working With The Seasons

“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.”

Hugh Prather

May Magic…Sometimes I have to write at the beginning of the month and other times the very end. Considering I haven’t been doing this for long, I’d say those times are undetermined thus, I have no idea what my preferred blogging pattern is. One thing I did notice this May are the changing temps in NYC. In one week, I wore tall boots with a raincoat, a light denim dress with some skips, sandals and a skirt then back to tall boots. Moody weather at it’s finest along with a moody moi in response to some meticulously-annoyingly-moody days.

Yes, there were days, I was on cloud 9 armed with life-affirming quotes and a positive attitude. Then there were those semi-bitter days where I’d step in gum with new footwear that was solely, meant to be worn in the car as in door-to-door service not sidewalk-stomping. That’s no big deal at all right? It does not merit the “everything happens for a reason” or “everything has it’s season” clichéd remarks we say during a crisis? But these little things kept happening and I was done, spent, worn-out, tired of it all!

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Arghh! Must get through this… F-bomb F-bomb F-bomb

Again, the May seasons I experienced were not the big “oh my goodness” moments but instead they were the ones where- I missed the bus, caught the next one, believed I forgot my phone, went back home only to learn I had it on me all along, got to my destination late, my tardiness is frowned upon, I’m hungry but don’t have time or money to buy something and oh yeah, it wasn’t my phone I forgot it was my favorite breakfast bar, lunch and dessert; I finally make amends with the morning then a series of unfortunate events part two takes place in the afternoon-moment! That’s the season. The season of little things happen.

I own one too many books about dealing with life’s bigger issues such as tragedy, depression and sickness. Yet learning how to cope with the little things is what was missing from my arsenal. However, May had it ready to teach. Not to mention, balancing sleep, job, career (not the same), home repairs, relationships, and relaxation was not to far behind in the educative process. The seasons were encroaching on my style. Something had to change. I changed.

I did. Well a little. Rule #1: Change a little for little things! No, that’s not real I think. Don’t follow that rule. Don’t you dare do it. I did change. I am not sure how it happened. Somehow the end of April to the end of May created less time for me to brood. I stopped believing I could control the outcome of each day with preparation and discipline. Instead, I maintained order (preparation and discipline) and adopted the attitude entitled: Get through it smiling more, whining less.

So, I practiced quickly finding the good in the meticulously-annoyingly-moody days. Instead of contemplating getting off the grid and finding a cozy island to reside on for the rest of my life I searched for something good. Sometimes it’s like searching for a tiny clear button on the floor and sometimes it’s easier. I vow to keep looking.  That’s the magic. That’s my magic. It’s the trick behind being able to flow with the seasons. While simple it is not, it is worth a genuine and consistent effort.

“I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.”

J. B. Priestley

Note: This May blog arrived in June due to a mini-flood from the ceiling over a portion of  my living room right where I keep my laptop! Yes it was drenched. I was tested and passed. No freak-out, no tears. Onward…

 

Love & Change,

TWD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Figured it all out…for now

“Layer by layer I removed all I thought I was, all I thought I had to be in the moment…” Lenita Vangellis

Do you sometimes get an “I figured-it-all-out” moment after you’ve recovered from some major event like a heartache, tragedy, job-loss, stubbing your toe right after warning yourself to watch out for the couch’s leg?  No!?  That’s not you? Must be me right? Liar.

Well now honey bunnies, years and years and years ago, I was seeing a man who lied about everything but his place of residence.  BTW, I learned of his lies only after breaking-up with him. I broke ties over his lack of support for any goal I had that did not include him.  I realized my insistence on improving my life like going back to school -I mean!!!-triggered some sort of complex in him then boom, war! After the breakup I had all of these epiphanies about life, relationships, self-love blah blah blah. And I talked about them. All of them. All the time!  I was that chick as a little girl, full of insight but no real confidence to speak up until the split set me free. Yes, what I am saying is I have had the pleasure of being that person to come out of a bad break-up or huge humbling experience and read the first 20 pages of tons of self-help books on the floor of Barnes and Nobles with some whiskey in my water bottle to later share my findings. PhD level findings! LOL!  Like I was the authority, quoting quotes like some Young Vanzant, New Angelou or Baby Marianne Williamson in the making.  Seriously, my new knowledge granted me access to some high priestess world called: She Has Life Figured Out And She Will Help You Do The Same. Look, I saw myself as a walking living breathing app for that.

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Don’t look at me like that! I am not the only one who has survived life-changing experiences followed by fresh wisdom to share using old clichés. I was that baby that kept falling and finally figured out how to stay upright and spread the gospel to the crawling babies telling them we gon’ be alright. But ahem, clearing my arrogance, I lacked the  capacity to see there was always new information on the ship. The babies continuously replace the old with new science. But little ole me thought: Nope I now know what I need to know for the rest of my life.

Life can at times feel like some sort of arduous ongoing process of an I-figured-it all out attitude with each perceived milestone…tragedy…life-altering event. However, being present to right now and accepting I only know this thing these set of things right now because the next minute carries the next lesson the next experience the next epiphany is less work. So while I cant hit crontrol-Z or Apple-Z, for the pomme mafia, for my past know-it-all preaching, I am allowing space for what is to come. Yeah, I figured it out…for now. And now I know nothing…

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
― Pema Chödrön

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See you next time,

TWD

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